Biology 101: The Study of Life

—For my sister Marylin

Who knows more biology than any of us
But never blinds us with her science

**

Placement Test—Part One

Answer the following:
Do you or
does any part of you
grow in the dark?
If so, how often?
Are you always firm?
Or only with persistent motivation?
During a full moon
do you have
an irresistible urge
to howl?
Do you sometimes
experience insatiable thirst?
Do you long
to be in the sun?
Do you actively seek union
with trees?
With bees?
With anything
between knees?

To determine your score,
go to Part Two.

**

Placement Test—Part Two

To assess your performance,
only count “yes” or “no” as valid.
Any deviation must be dismissed.
Deduct one point for each sentence
written as a response.

Tabulate your correct answers.
If you have responded “yes”
less than twice,
you are a mineral.
If you answer “yes”
between 2 and 5 times,
you are a plant.
If you answer “yes”
on all occasions,
you are an animal.

A dirty animal at that!

**

Chapter One 1.1 The Study of Life

“Virgil’s recipe for bees:
kill a bull during
the first thaw of winter.
build a shed.
place dead bull on branches
and herbs inside shed.
wait for summer.
The decaying bull
will produce bees.”

All things are related,
are they not?
Dare to be bold.
Substitute a dead mule for bull.
Set the shed on fire.
When it cools,
thinly slice what remains.
Call it honey-roasted ham.
Serve with apples in the fall
to anyone who can pay the price.

**

Chapter Two 2.1 Chemical Basis of Life

Pollen contains proteins.
Bees wear them like winter fur.
They grow strong as buffaloes,
drinking nectar like wine.
When drunk, they dance,
spewing wax from honeycombs.
They are limpids,
(formula will follow later),
elements, compounds,
greasy molecules
where atoms, isotopes take charge.

Strange bonds occur.
If in spring, a bull is born . . .

**

Chapter Three 3.1 A Look at Cells

Robert Hooke drew cork.
Looking through a microscope,
he called what he saw cells
because they reminded him
of a monastery. I, too,
have known monasteries,
had lived for years
in an abandoned cloistered cell.
Hovering in air were the unspoken words
of a nun vowed to silence
whose breathing space
I then occupied.
Her ever present speech patterns,
a double helix of intent.

I feared her forbidden language,
so on the east wall
I drew a medicine wheel
To hold her words at bay.

Robert Hooke was asked this question:
What do you see in individual cells?
Answer: emptiness.

**

Chapter Four: Photosynthesis and Cellular Repiration

“All animals get the energy they need
. . . by eating other organisms.”

I see spiders in my sleep.
They scurry past my snoring,
over my chest and shoulder,
the cool sheets between me and my wife
to alight on her belly
where they paw like a cat
a comfortable spot
and then settle to suck.

In the morning, my wife
shows me her bites.
I sigh, try to commiserate,
not letting on I saw
the spiders’ journey
in my sleep but was powerless
to help. If I tell her so,
she’ll see me as an accomplice.

**

4.1 Energy and ATP

My shoulder aches.
It has one less phosphate group
to replenish its function.
Who knows what choices remain
from the menu of life?
If I’m offered a light beer
or a heavy red wine,
I’ll ask for potato vodka
or Canadian rye.

You see, in all cases,
a chemical balance
must be restored.

**

Photosynthesis

I admit that after a night
of drinking I’m green
to the gills. My aquarian
ancestry asserts itself.

Yes, it’s true.
I drink like a fish.

In recompense,
I suck up sun
whenever I can.
No wonder I’m usually
chloroplastered
and green as the sea.

**

Cellular Respiration

Oxygen is a must for dinner.
Billions gotta eat.
“All aboard the electron express!”
If you’re cold, just shiver.
I’ll shiver too, with you.
Let’s dance, find romance.
We’ll have a honey of a time.
Warming to hot, too hot!
Birds do it, bees do it.
Even chimpanzees do it.

Let’s do it. When we’re hot
we’re really cooking!
Inhale, inhale, inhale.
Billions gotta eat.

* *

Chapter Five: Cell Division 5.2 Caged Grudge Match

“In this corner wearing black
with white stripes is Mitosis,
undefeated in asexual contests!”
The crowd snaps its jaws repeatedly.
Sounds like a glacier crashing
fill the arena.

The announcer continues:
“In the other corner wearing white
with black stripes is Cytokinesis,
undefeated in electron permutations!”
A voice rises above the crowd:
“Not with my daughter you don’t!”

The bell rings. The fighters approach,
collide—a thousand lightning strikes
singe the audience causing them
to double, double again,
swelling the limits of their cages.

“Where is Mitosis?”
someone frantically screams.

**

Chapter Six: Family Life—Genetics

There’s much I don’t know,
less I care to learn.
This I got from my father.
I love to laugh
but have troubled sleep.
This I got from my mother.
The question remains:
will this wallflower grow?

I have brothers and sisters
who violate laws.
Mendel would not approve.
One is a butcher,
another a cleaver.
One is a pea picker,
another is a hock.

How does this illustrate,
I ask you now,
The Law of Dominance?

**

6.4 Frontiers In Genetic Counseling

“Allele?” Ollie, Ollie, in free?
Genetic counseling is what I need.
I can’t explain why wet earwax
resembles thick honey, can’t say why
dry earwax resembles honeycomb.
Maybe it’s because my brother
is an ass, not a dead mule, capable
of passing on fatal disorders.
Am I in danger related?
A victim of demented pedigree,
doomed to dementia at an early age?

My teacher holds up a bottle
of red pills and then one of white.
I want the reds but will eat the whites.
She puts them together, shakes so all look pink.
I like Pink—she’s pretty cool.
I’d love to show her my tool,
take her to school, old school!
“Let’s get the party started!”

**

Caterpillar Camouflage

If a caterpillar eats oak twigs,
then he looks like a twig.
If a caterpillar eats oak flowers,
then she looks like a flower.
You appear to be what you eat.

I am partial to sausage and nuts.
My wife likes oranges and cereal.
What a pair we make!
Without predators around,
Our proclivities bother no one.

But it is dangerous to predict
what we may become.

**

6.5 Fair Weather Genes

Western white butterflies
born in spring have darker wings.
To fly, they need to be warmer
than the average spring air.
Darkness absorbs better
the sun’s warm rays.
Just a degree or two needed
for lift off, but what of clouds, wind?

I hold in heat
until I’m about to implode,
become delusional,
believing I was once
a twig or flower
or an old sage’s dream
before I take off to fall.

**

Chapter Seven: DNA

“Tyrolean Ice Man
looks great for his age,”
proclaim headlines.
I should be so fit—
A mere molecule of heredity.
With better luck
it could have been me,
still stiff after 5,000 years,
ready to serve or service
at a nod or call.

It’s in my jeans.
I got to be in play.
If you don’t believe me,
check my DNA.
**

7.2 DNA Replication

Twisted ladder, twisted sister—
unzip the blueprints,
duplicate, duplicate every day.
In this age of miracles and wonders,
linked genes is the key.
Think critically—cross over.
Prepare a map.
Avoid a trap.

Thinking of sex?
Y it’s Xcellent!
Family fun
for everyone.

**

7.4 Sex Linkage

Who cares?
Any pond in a storm, right?
The flies have it.
No lies. Morgan’s experiments
were not a bluff.
Morgan the scientist, not
Morgan the pirate
who ruled Andros Island, Bahamas,
that easy family island
where all’s a cozy parlay
between red-eyed females, white-eyed males,
all blind as bats
(but that’s another study).
Just add hormones,
and everyone has fun.

**

Human Gene Map

Calico Carl is a cat,
not a bat or a rat
but a sex curiosity at that.
With his back on the mat,
exposed penis the size of a rat,
embarrassed, he hides in a hat.
Still, he wants tit for tat,
knows where to put it at.

He’s just another sap
pinned on the human map.

**

Chapter Eight : Protein Synthesis

Feel older than your years?
Don’t deny your fears.
Protein synthesis may be for you.
This is what you gotta do—
Avoid all mirrors.
Never look in a store window.
Destroy all cameras.
Burn existing negatives.
Now you must drink, drink, drink.
Any beverage will do.
Eat lustfully.
Abstain from singular sex.
Eschew dogs, cats, all
fur-like body parts.
Do not conserve bodily fluids.

If all of the above fail,
pluck out your eyes.
Call yourself seer, prophet.
You are now ageless.

**

From Genotype to Phenotype

To transform from worker ant
to soldier ant only takes
a change in diet.
Docile translates into vicious
much like the onset
of puberty or piles.
A flaming irritation
leads to blood-letting.

It’s a new language
with condons and anti-condons,
nary a condom in sight.

You don’t want to be a messenger
at times like these.