Christmas, 1999

He placed the bottle of beer
on the red counter top,
waiting for me to ring it up.

His hands trembled,
his speech slurred slightly,
and his gait was a little unsteady.

His disheveled appearance
spoke of hard times, lost causes,
and lonely evenings fighting demons.

I didn’t believe him to be drunk
more that it was something else,
either man-made or inherited.

I was sure of it as he asked me
“How mu-mu-much, ma-ma-man?”
years of bottle-fed brain cells told the story.

Still, even though I had written him off,
as he opened his wallet to pay,
a small picture in the front, startled me.

A young, happy family, posing
for a Christmas snapshot complete
with Santa in the background,
peering through the white window.

The young father, clean shaven,
clean clothes, smiling with the glee
of the children on Christmas morn.

A young mother, and two young children
glimmering with their family, all together,
for this portrait that may be their last.

White, blue, red sweaters, keeping out the cold,
knitting them together for a small moment
in time, preserved here, in a crusty, brown wallet.

As I give him his change, he closes the wallet,
as he’s done thousands of times before,
once, though, was forever.

**

Putting it together

I don’t remember the food,
or the clothes

I do remember the horrible
cigarette smoke
of my father, my uncles
and my grandfather
in the living room
watching the game on TV

the successful smell
of my Uncle Steve’s cigar
teasing me for years to come,
as he mingled between
the political discussions
in the smokers den,
and the “he did, she did,
they said, they did” gossip
of my mother, my aunts
and my grandmother
in the sitting room

where the Christmas tree
stood, unaware of us all
quietly reminding us of
the time of year
and it’s purpose,

still we forget,

as the children ripped and tore
paper throughout the house
hugged lucky givers, smirked
at the unlucky ones

as one small boy sat
at the kitchen table,
furiously assembling
a snap-together car,
hoping to drive quickly
away from the madness.