Conversation With The Devil

Last night, I had
a conversation with the Devil.
We talked about my life,
my untimely death,
mostly just for laughs.
He particularly liked
my booze binges and
wild sex in Amsterdam.
As time went by,
he began to speak
of his problems
in his difficult job–
doing his work with
Godly restrictions.
“There, there,” I said,
“Now, Chuck, if I may
call you ‘Chuck’,
you’re doing a great job
in the realm of misery.
Everything’s going to crap.
People are unhappy.
You’re still regarded
as quite the asshole…
at the gas pump anyway.”
He offered me a job
which I told him
that I would have to refuse
as, true to his
misguided amusement,
he would later
withdraw his offer
and I would be
filleted, burnt on a spit,
and have several ‘Bubba’s
waiting in line to make me
squeal like a pig.
He laughed at that.
Then, that asshole, Chuck,
inflicted a grievous harm upon me
(literary for ‘done me dirt’).
I woke from a dream
and, cheated from clearing
the last hurdle of life,
I had to face seemingly
never ending toil
at least another day.
Damn you, Chuck.
No wonder the song says
fire is the devil’s only friend.

**

Intelligent Craps

Aristotle had already computed
The law of averages in his head
Before he hastily threw the dice.
Plato contemplated reasons why
He was losing his tunic in the game.
Einstein never had a chance.
The quickly-beaten Scarecrow realized
That the Wizard had duped him.
Wiping his boogers on Confucius’s’ robe,
Socrates laughed at the whole mess.
And Prof Carver said they were all nuts.