by Ann Hite

Men are the stupidest animals on this earth. Mollie decided this long before she celebrated fifty years of marriage, but that year, that golden year, really put her to thinking on a lot of things. Like, how men thought they knew everything and they never was wrong. Or, how they tried to make people carry their wrongs in the form of guilt, which they laid on real thick. And, that thinking got her to looking at Tyler Morgan, her husband, and she saw just how stupid he was, had been, all those fifty years. Or, maybe he was just plain smart because he sure did a job on Mollie. Between him and her four boys, she spent too many years trying to make men happy, and she was plain worn out.

At sixty-eight Mollie was lonely, just out and out lonely, even if Tyler was under her feet all the time. It seemed every morning he woke with a list written out in his mind and ran through each complaint with more words than was needed.

“My hip hurts. Why you want to cook eggs like that Mollie? You’re supposed to cook them in the iron skillet not in that darn aluminum crap. Why you putting that color on your hair? Who you trying to look pretty for?”

That list made her feel worthless and depressed. Tyler didn’t believe in being depressed. He said it was an excuse that folks in 1994 used to get out of hard work. But, Mollie watched Oprah. She knew when a relationship just wasn’t working.

Anyway, that fall the kids and their wives planned a big to-do for Tyler and Mollie. It seemed being married fifty years was a landmark event. She thought it was mighty sad to be married almost as long as she had lived.

Those kids were inviting anybody and everybody. Some folks Mollie didn’t even know.  Others she knew but just didn’t want to see like that hateful old Bea Weehunt, nosing into everyone’s business. And, for some reason Bea thought they were best friends. But, when Mollie saw Oshie Connor’s name on the list, her heart just flopped over. She grabbed at her chest, thinking she was having a heart attack. And at her age that was enough to cause a death due to fear. Her hands went to trembling and her stomach just stirred.

Anticipation—that’s a new word she learned from Oprah—was not a comforting feeling. All of a sudden the idea of a celebration made her right happy. She walked around for days with Oshie’s face in her head. It wasn’t the face of a sixty-eight year old retired doctor. Oh no, she was picturing a young Oshie at their graduation dance some fifty years before. At the time, she couldn’t decide between him or Tyler, even though she was leaning heavy in Tyler’s direction. Tyler got to stay home from the war because he was flatfooted and nearly blind. Mollie guessed fate decided for her because she chose Tyler, and Oshie never came back home to live. The army taught him to be a doctor and when he was finished fighting the war, he went to medical school in New York City of all places. He outgrew the mountain.

Mollie never forgot him. Over the years as she had one baby after another and Tyler became more and more like an old man, she’d hear stories of Oshie. He married a beautiful blonde. He lived in a fancy house and had two cars. He moved to Japan. Once in a blue moon, she’d hear how he came back to the mountain for some holiday, but Mollie and Tyler never saw hide nor hair of him. She just tried to be happy with her life, and that’s called settling.

Mollie and Tyler’s celebration was set for two days before Halloween. Mollie laughed because it seemed real fitting. One of her sons—God bless him, but he was just like his daddy—thought it might be fun to have a costume party. Mollie tried to picture Tyler dressed up in some garb and laughed right out loud.

Thank goodness that sweet little daughter in-law just hit him real hard on the head with a roll of paper towels. “How dumb are you, Barney Ray? Your mama deserves something romantic like roses and dancing. Gosh, sometimes I wonder how you got me to marry you.”

Barney Ray just rubbed his head. “I can’t see Daddy tolerating any sweet stuff.”

And, he was exactly right. Tyler Morgan’s idea of romance was falling asleep on the couch watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

It was Mollie’s thinking on Oshie that made her talk her ‘real’ best friend, Mary Carol Hines, into driving down the mountain to Asheville. Now this was a scary thing. She wasn’t much good at driving, and Mollie couldn’t drive at all. She never learned. But, she was really good at telling people how to drive.

Mollie and Mary Carol left on a bright sunny morning a week before the celebration. Mollie had it in her mind to buy a new dress. One that would make Oshie Connor take a long hard look at her.

Mary Carol gripped the steering wheel tight. Mollie didn’t know much, but she knew Mary Carol would have a stroke if she didn’t relax. Mary Carol was six months older than her and Mollie had to stay on her about her sugar intake.

“Lord let up on that wheel. We ain’t going to our deaths here.”

Mary Carol tried to look younger than her age. She kept her hair cut in a little bob, but the problem was she cut her own hair. She had it uneven in the back. “Mollie Tagert,” She always called Mollie by her real name, not her married name. “I don’t need any help driving this car. Now, you just sit over there and tell me where we are going and why.”

“I want to go to that mall in Asheville. I want a new dress for the celebration.”

Now, Mary Carol knew Mollie like the back of her hand. They’d been friends since first grade. “Is this about Oshie Connor?”

Just the mention of his name made Mollie tingle like a teenager. “Don’t be silly, old woman.”

“Don’t you old woman me. I know what you’re up to and it’s just plain out silly. You’re too old for that mess. Besides, what makes you think he’ll ever come back for your party?”

Now, Mollie hadn’t given that any thought. She always assumed he felt just like her. Like he lost something that he couldn’t get back. “Oh hush up. I don’t care if Oshie Connor comes or not. I want me a new dress. I want to look pretty. I’m sick and tired of the same old thing.”

Mary Carol took her eyes off the road to look at Mollie and nearly went into the ditch. When she straightened the car, she spoke. “Well, I guess.”

“Well, I guess I want to get there in one piece.”

Mollie found the perfect dress, a pale pink linen jacket and a-line skirt, at one of those expensive shops that caters to young professional women. When Mollie looked in the dressing room mirror, she saw an old woman’s face, but the suit fit her like it was made just for her. It cost two hundred dollars and Mary Carol just shook her head as Mollie wrote out the check. “I’ve been married fifty years. I deserve this.”

Mary Carol took the bag from the sales lady. “I guess you’re right about that.”

Two days before the celebration, Mollie’s daughter in-law brought her the R.S.V.P. guest list. Whatever that meant. She explained this was a list of people who promised to come. Mollie grabbed that list like a kid grabs a bag of candy. There he was on the second page: Oshie Connor was coming to the party and her heart soared. She imagined how he looked that night at their graduation dance, all clean and fresh.

That night at supper Tyler started in on his list. “I just don’t think I want a party. I don’t care nothing about a crowd. What you got to fix baked chicken for? I want me some good fried chicken.”

Mollie slammed a spoon on the table. “Don’t mess with me, Tyler. You’re going to this party if it’s the last thing you do, and I fix dern baked chicken because the doctor said no more fried foods, even though it’s tempting to fix you fried chicken every night and clog your arteries the rest of the way.”

Tyler got real quiet, which wasn’t like him at all.

Guilt worked into her head, but she refused to give in and say she was sorry. Instead, she just sat down at her dinner and began to eat.

Tyler didn’t mention the party again. Matter of a fact it took him two more days to start going through his list. He was plain out shy. If Mollie had known saying her piece would shut him up, she would have done it a lot earlier.

The day of the celebration was cool, breezy, but the leaves painted the sky with the glory of the event. Mollie fussed with her hair, which hung close to her face in little curls. The cut always suited her busy ways, but that afternoon she saw a worn out face staring out of the mirror. How did she get old? How did she stay married fifty years?

Speaking of the devil, Tyler came in the bedroom. “Where’s my tie? I can’t find my tie, the blue one. Why do I have to wear a tie?” His eyes met hers in the mirror. He softened around the edges. “You look mighty pretty, Miss Mollie.” Then he turned away busying himself in the closet.

Had she heard him right? She was sure he must have been having a stroke. Tyler Morgan had told her she was pretty. Mollie was speechless.

The celebration was held in a room at The Red Lobster in Asheville. Tyler was like some kid going to the fair. He had his heart set on fried shrimp and cheese biscuits. Mollie was feeling like she did at seventeen going to a dance, Oshie standing across the room, his face lighting up when she walked in. Who knew what the night might bring. Even old women get second chances.

Mollie and Tyler’s four boys met them in the parking lot. Bobby Ray, the youngest, slid up beside Mollie. “We really have you a surprise, Mama.”

She looked at him real hard. He reminded her of a five year old about to bust. “You know how your daddy feels about surprises.”

“He’ll just have to live with this one, Mama.” Todd, her oldest, rubbed her hair like she was some kind of pet.

Four big strapping boys is what the Good Lord saw fit to give Mollie. From these boys she had three grandchildren, all boys. Boys just ran in her family. “I don’t want no special treatment, Todd. I just want a good dinner.” And, to see her high school sweetheart, she thought to myself.  “Did the guests get here?”

“Yes, most of them.”

“Most?” Oh no, he didn’t come after all.

The boys rushed her and Tyler into the room, which was decorated in gold like some fairy tale. All their guests stood in a cluster, smiling like Mollie and Tyler done had a baby or something. By gosh, they lived together fifty years. Mollie looked over at him with his head full of gray hair and those dern big ears, and wondered what in the world was he thinking. Everyone yelled, surprise, even though it wasn’t no surprise, but Mollie guessed it added to the fun. She searched the room. Mary Carol stood with her old man, Charles Ray. They’d finally tied the knot in the early sixties when Mary Carol accepted she would have to live with his mama. Arlene Bradshaw stood against the wall all alone, bless her heart she just never did find a man. Who would of thought Holly Iowa would marry before Arlene. Seated at one of the tables Mollie saw Emily Stewart with her fine husband. They came all the way from Atlanta. Gray hair won the contest for the most heads. They were old, all of them. Her stomach dropped when she didn’t see him. Of course, Mollie really had no idea who she was looking for. How long had it been? Thirty years at least. Then, she saw Oshie’s youngest brother, Nelson—he was married to Annie, the conjure woman—talking to a short bald man with dark horn rim glasses and a tacky blue polyester suit. Lord, that man must have found that suit back in the seventies. He looked directly at Mollie, and she saw him plain as day. Oshie Connor stared at her from an old man’s body. He smiled and she saw the Oshie she knew even better. He broke away and walked in her direction.

Time just rolled back and Mollie was seventeen. She halfway expected them to start dancing. He took her hand. “Look at you, Mollie Tagert, well I mean Mollie Morgan. You look like the last time I saw you. Do you remember that dance?”

Mollie blushed. Good Grief, she was a sixty-eight year old woman. “You’re a liar Oshie Connor, but I love you for it. I remember that dance like it was yesterday.” Her heart was beating so fast she was sure she would die.

He guided her to the drink table. “What are you drinking?”

Mollie felt like one of those smart city women in her new suit. “I’ll have a diet coke.”

He chuckled under his breath and asked the bartender to give him a diet coke for the guest of honor. That made Mollie think of Tyler, and she looked up to see him watching from a table where he sat alone. He just smiled and tipped his pretend hat. He reminded her of that young man at the dance so many years earlier. The one who stood off to the side until she finally decided to come and sit with him. He never was real pushy, and Mollie ended up right beside him that night. Why? She could have been a doctor’s wife and lived in big cities, maybe had some daughters.

Oshie took her elbow and guided her out of Tyler’s line of vision. “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world, Mollie. I can’t tell you how often I’ve thought of you in the past years.”

“Really. I think a lot about the old times.”

He laughed. “Oh I do too, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Would you?” Did she see a hopeful twinkle in his eye or was it just her foolishness?

“I’m glad you could come, Oshie.”

Tyler walked over to the food table. Mollie just knew what he was going to do. He was going to stuff himself with fried shrimp. “Excuse me, Oshie. I’ve got to speak with Tyler. He’s not supposed to eat fried foods and he’s going to eat his fill of shrimp if I don’t stop him. I’m sure you of all people would understand.”

Oshie looked a little confused.

“I mean you being a doctor and all.”

Tyler walked out of her sight.

“Oh, goodness there has been some confusion. I’m a veterinarian, an animal doctor.”

“I know what veterinarian is.” How could Mollie have got everything so twisted? “I really have to go.”

“Please find me in a while. I want to introduce you to my wife. We’ll be married thirty years this spring. She’s a Georgia girl.”

Mollie knew it was rude, but she laughed right out loud. “Your wife.”

Again Oshie looked confused. “Yes. I know Betty would love to meet you and the whole gang.”

Mollie looked around the room. “Most of us are still here. Pooter died last spring.”

Oshie looked sad, a sad old man, who stayed away from home too long. “I hate that.”

“Did you have children, Oshie?”

“No. I never did. Betty and I just never stopped in one place long enough. Sometimes, especially now, I wish I did, but what’s happened, has happened. I can’t go back. I spoke to one of your boys. Todd, I think. He said Tyler was really looking forward to me coming. He requested me special.”

That old dog. “I have four boys. And, Oshie, they nearly killed both of us, but I wouldn’t trade the time for nothing.”

Oshie looked down. “I imagine not.” Mollie left Oshie, promising to meet Betty before they left.

She found Tyler eating shrimp as fast as he could shove them in his mouth. “Tyler Morgan!”

He looked up at her, still stuffing shrimp.

“You look just like you did at our graduating dance.”

He grinned around the bite. “And, I won again.”

Just then Barney Ray stood up. “We got a special present for Mama and Daddy. Actually, it was Daddy’s idea. You see my parents have never gone on a vacation. Lord, raising us took too much time and money. Well, here.” Barney Ray shoved an envelope at Mollie.

“Here you go.” She tried to hand it to Tyler.

He shook his head and ate another big shrimp. “I know what it is.”

Mollie opened the envelope and found four tickets, two airplane tickets to Florida and the other two was tickets to Disney World. She was just stunned. She stood there with her mouth wide open.

“I know it ain’t romantic, but I would love to see Mickey Mouse in person before I die. Let’s act like a couple of kids. What you say old woman?”

Mollie looked into the eyes of her husband. “You old dog.”

He kissed her full on the lips, nearly knocked her down.  He might be stupid, but he sure knew how to show a girl a good time when he put his mind to it.